There’s a great irony I’ve been dealing with all year long. I’ve have all this time on my hands just sitting in my apartment without much to do, and I’ve got all these shelves of books that I haven’t even read yet.
I should read the books – but instead, I just keep reading tweets. Scrolling endlessly while Catcher in the Rye catches nothing but dust.
Am I killing my mind? Am I destroying my potential? Am I entirely too old to be worried about that kind of thing at this point?
I don’t know. Maybe if I read some more tweets, they’ll have the answers.
10. Brick and mortar
What would you say it is that you *do* around here?
landlords be like “do you have a stable job” bro do you???
— Hopi💜 (@Hopihokte) September 27, 2020
9. Not nice spice
There’s a higher price to pay than just the four bucks.
this is what happens when we drain pumpkins of their spice, think twice before u order that latte pic.twitter.com/b84HfIStcy
— Kenz0’s 🎄Santa-hat Durag 🎅🏾 (@jollyrogerbae) September 25, 2020
8. On the attack
You’re not gonna like him when he’s hangry.
— َ (@DIGIG00N) September 26, 2020
7. On the rocks
Oh we go way back. Waaaaay back.
idk what carbon dating is but nothing else is working and i have nothing to lose
— woahh mann (@ashhhhhhole) September 17, 2020
6. Awkward af
You’re just making the biggest mistake of your life, it’s fine.
Me at my friends wedding after telling her to leave him 1000 times pic.twitter.com/SNE8Llk03Z
— 28TH🥳🥳 (@matta28x) September 13, 2020
5. Big dog
I for one welcome our robot good bois.
guys look who i saw out on da street!!!:) pic.twitter.com/rPczxbWAkL
— ✨ (@n932027) September 25, 2020
4. Fly or die
I’d like either treatment and will accept nothing in between.
this is how i view the stakes in all social settings & interactions pic.twitter.com/nbDfO9XosF
— 🏹 lauren 🏹 (@unrealshrike) September 27, 2020
3. Picture perfect
We’ve got all kinds of new ways to creep each other out now.
messaged a girl “i like ur photo wall!” in zoom class and she turned off her camera
— rafia (@rafia_afzal_) September 16, 2020
2. The great conundrum
I forgot about these extra lyrics to the Twisted Sister song.
wow i just cant take this anymore *continues to take it*
— 333 (@ih8threat) September 27, 2020
1. Recipe for disaster
Without Senate control I doubt he can do much about something this substantial.
Executive orders only go so far.
What is Joe Biden’s plan to stop recipe bloggers from telling a long, unskippable, mostly unrelated childhood memory before sharing the damn recipe?
— Zuri Davis (@ProperlyZuri) November 25, 2020
I’m putting together my Summer reading list now. Spoiler alert: it’s just more tweets.
Who are your favorite funny people on Twitter?
Tell us in the comments.