There’s a great irony I’ve been dealing with all year long. I’ve have all this time on my hands just sitting in my apartment without much to do, and I’ve got all these shelves of books that I haven’t even read yet.

I should read the books – but instead, I just keep reading tweets. Scrolling endlessly while Catcher in the Rye catches nothing but dust.

Am I killing my mind? Am I destroying my potential? Am I entirely too old to be worried about that kind of thing at this point?

I don’t know. Maybe if I read some more tweets, they’ll have the answers.

10. Brick and mortar

What would you say it is that you *do* around here?

9. Not nice spice

There’s a higher price to pay than just the four bucks.

8. On the attack

You’re not gonna like him when he’s hangry.

7. On the rocks

Oh we go way back. Waaaaay back.

6. Awkward af

You’re just making the biggest mistake of your life, it’s fine.

5. Big dog

I for one welcome our robot good bois.

4. Fly or die

I’d like either treatment and will accept nothing in between.

3. Picture perfect

We’ve got all kinds of new ways to creep each other out now.

2. The great conundrum

I forgot about these extra lyrics to the Twisted Sister song.

1. Recipe for disaster

Without Senate control I doubt he can do much about something this substantial.
Executive orders only go so far.

I’m putting together my Summer reading list now. Spoiler alert: it’s just more tweets.

Who are your favorite funny people on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.