You ever tell yourself you’re just gonna look at Twitter real quick and then realize with horror that it’s been 2 hours and that article you were working on has just been sitting in your other tab this whole time and you definitely should have finished it by now but instead you’re knee-deep in an argument with a stranger about whether ketchup counts as a soup?

…me neither.

That has definitely never happened to me.

I use Twitter responsibly, only going in for the funny highlights and then immediately leaving. Like this!

10. Birthday clowns

I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it, 2020 should not count in terms of any of us getting older.

9. Put on a happy face

Oh my god why does this hurt so much to watch?

8. It’s in the cards

Swipe it again. And again. And again.

7. Primary concerns

Yeah, our healthcare system definitely isn’t horribly broken.

6. Shirt happens

That’s the year in a nutshell, yes sir.

5. A lot on my plate

Fill it up with shrimp and nobody gets hurt.

4. Growing pains

We can’t know. There’s just no way to know.

3. Fresh takes

I’ll bet they both just stared at each other for a while after this.

2. Sick deadlines

If nothing changes, nothing’s gonna change. (->

1. Running in the background

I need whomever made this to retire from the internet, please and thank you.

See? We’ve shown you just the good bits, and you didn’t get a chance to get lost in the endless madness of your actual Twitter feed! Now resist the urge to go open it. I SAID RESIST!

Who are your favorite people on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.