You ever tell yourself you’re just gonna look at Twitter real quick and then realize with horror that it’s been 2 hours and that article you were working on has just been sitting in your other tab this whole time and you definitely should have finished it by now but instead you’re knee-deep in an argument with a stranger about whether ketchup counts as a soup?
That has definitely never happened to me.
I use Twitter responsibly, only going in for the funny highlights and then immediately leaving. Like this!
10. Birthday clowns
I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it, 2020 should not count in terms of any of us getting older.
I really felt bad for y’all with March, April & May birthdays this year but still I JUST KNEW it wouldn’t be me because my shit is all the way in October. Here we are, together as one 🤡
— Knight (@knightsglow) September 2, 2020
9. Put on a happy face
Oh my god why does this hurt so much to watch?
Me at my friends wedding after telling her to leave him 1000 times pic.twitter.com/SNE8Llk03Z
— Big Poppa (@matta28x) September 13, 2020
8. It’s in the cards
Swipe it again. And again. And again.
imagine ur card declines at the therapist and they start gaslighting u
— milk (@milkinhisbag) September 7, 2020
7. Primary concerns
Yeah, our healthcare system definitely isn’t horribly broken.
Yesterday the nurse at the CVS walk-in clinic asked me who my primary care physician was and I’m like baby I’m at the CVS walk in clinic, it is clearly you
— Emma (@eawilliamson) September 1, 2020
6. Shirt happens
That’s the year in a nutshell, yes sir.
— blm (@isaiahjjared) September 12, 2020
5. A lot on my plate
Fill it up with shrimp and nobody gets hurt.
“Get me another plate but say it’s for u” https://t.co/oy1733orc8
— ☠︎ (@lenarios27) September 4, 2020
4. Growing pains
We can’t know. There’s just no way to know.
my dad: you'll understand when you're older
me, 25: literally what the fuck is happening ever
— sk-elle-ton (@ellewasamistake) September 4, 2020
3. Fresh takes
I’ll bet they both just stared at each other for a while after this.
my bf told me when he was 17 he worked in a posh hotel and at breakfast some bloke asked him “is this crème fraîche?” and he replied “yeah we don’t serve out of date food” and I can’t stop thinking about it
— lilyanna (@lilyannatrnr) September 2, 2020
2. Sick deadlines
If nothing changes, nothing’s gonna change. (-> vote.org)
Everyone’s waiting for 2021 as if COVID expires December 31st 💀
— ً (@RJ_XXIV) September 2, 2020
1. Running in the background
I need whomever made this to retire from the internet, please and thank you.
google docs google slides pic.twitter.com/dscOioEjlC
— spooky TЯACE 🎃 (@scruched) September 9, 2020
See? We’ve shown you just the good bits, and you didn’t get a chance to get lost in the endless madness of your actual Twitter feed! Now resist the urge to go open it. I SAID RESIST!
Who are your favorite people on Twitter?
Tell us in the comments.