No matter how busy you are, you’ve always got time for a few funny tweets.
I mean, maybe “technically” you don’t. Maybe technically you’re supposed to be “working” right now or “driving your wife to the hospital” so she can “give birth to your son,” but I think we can all agree that life is about priorities, and you should always be able to make tweets one of those priorities.
These are funny enough to justify that, I believe.
10. The checklist
I’m sure it’s fine, I’m sure it’s fine, I’m sure it’s fine.
How to deal with finances like an adult:
1: Never check bank balance
2: Pretend things are fine
3: Live in a constant state of fear
— Kirsten Maher (@maher_kirsten) March 21, 2017
9. Kneed for speed
We beat the crap out of ourselves and our parents just kinda shrugged.
The generation of kids will never know this pain. We was really outside 24/7 pic.twitter.com/fUXBla4obV
— sᴇxɪᴇsᴛ ᴍᴀɴ ɪɴ ᴅᴜʀʙᴀɴ (@Lungani_Mtshali) December 16, 2020
8. That’s peanuts!
All dogs are standing in the shadow of the one true great.
Undeniable evidence that Snoopy really is a beagle pic.twitter.com/ocZBP9pfaa
— soupyeahsoup (@soupyeahsoup) December 12, 2020
7. Gettin’ spooked
What’s weird is that for some people this would INCREASE the value.
When they tell you the house is haunted AFTER you buy it pic.twitter.com/a9WkvZAnYJ
— ꪖ ᥅ ꪗ ꪖ ꪀ ♠️ (@Aryan_singh6969) December 11, 2020
6. What does it mean?
Last night I dreamed that I owned four huge TVs and I hope that’s just a straight up sign of things to come.
Me in the morning trying to process the intense symbolism that appeared in my dreams. pic.twitter.com/tTB6rAuAq7
— Jazzie 🧸🎒✨ (@Tsunamilani808) December 4, 2020
5. Pack it up
Psh, like that’s gonna stop anybody.
When you wanna save your food for later but you have siblings pic.twitter.com/FCnPME6GLk
— 🇧🇩 ✨ (@fnahar_) July 5, 2019
4. The Butler did it!
For those who don’t remember, this was like an early Google that didn’t work.
Jeeves didn’t know a damn thing 😭 https://t.co/598YwT42ZA
— Matthew A. Cherry (@MatthewACherry) April 2, 2020
3. High alert
Why do anteaters constantly look like they want to fight you in a Denny’s parking lot?
Me: * hits my elbow on the edge of a table*
My entire nervous system: pic.twitter.com/HFMimCcDvy
— dzzy LEAFY YT (@OfficialLeafy) August 13, 2019
2. I’m melting
These things were always just the definition of false advertising.
mentally i am here pic.twitter.com/THXxlEOB4h
— ꧁Madimoiselle꧂ (@drivingmemadi) December 12, 2020
1. Avoid the noid
Is that a cat or some kind of interdimensional elder God?
Welcome to the void pic.twitter.com/jqxJN5Pkyg
— cats in random places (@cats_places) December 12, 2020
I think it’s pretty self-evident that reading those tweets was worth you stopping whatever you were doing. Now go turn off the stove or whatever, you might could be burning your house down.
Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?
Tell us in the comments.