When Twitter was first being developed, one of the co-founders suggested calling it “FriendStalker.”
In retrospect, it’s probably good that they didn’t go with that for a few reasons. First of all, most people don’t use Twitter just to keep up with what friends are up to anymore. We’ve got plenty of other tools for that. Twitter has become more about keeping up with people you don’t know but are interested in. Secondly, of course, “friend stalker” is just the downright creepiest thing in the world.
Let’s celebrate that mistake being sidestepped by stalking these great tweets.
11. The tides have turned
Money is fake, ya’ll.
BREAKING: Elon Musk loses "richest man in the world" title to TigBitties420_x
— manny (@mannyfidel) January 27, 2021
10. Hanging out
To be fair, they have been officially worshiped by a few cultures.
god: the humans will take so many pictures of you
cat: cool to hang in museums and temples?
god: no to post online
god: for 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓃𝑒𝓉 𝓅𝑜𝒾𝓃𝓉𝓈
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) January 27, 2021
9. Pepper it in
I have had this exact thought and I’m so happy to see it legitimized.
Red pepper flakes?? Oh do you mean mommy’s spicy little fish food?
— Caitlin (@caithuls) January 26, 2021
8. Ah ah ah, yeah
Life is plastic – it’s fantastic.
what if we are barbie girls but this isn't a barbie world
— nash flynn (@itsnashflynn) January 23, 2021
7. Leaf me be
But I thought money didn’t grow on trees?
Me disguising myself as a hedge so that I can get funds pic.twitter.com/QFsO8L8iSW
— Joe Gunn (@joegunn) January 28, 2021
6. A loan again
At least you’ve got a law degree. Me and my theatre major are doomed over here.
My law school loans are now old enough to start looking at colleges.
— Jewish Space Lawyer (@BeeeejEsq) January 22, 2021
5. Week in review
You won’t BELIEVE what happens next.
can’t wait to explain this week to my therapist
— 🪐 (@mychaelireland) May 29, 2020
4. Taking stock
My value is definitely not gonna go up though.
stocks this! stocks that! When is someone going to invest in ME???
— a (@alejandroo1200) January 28, 2021
3. No bones about it
He’s the hero we need right now.
Almost february and STILL no 12-foot skeletons back in stock? What's the deal
— price 💐 (@pricepeterson) January 29, 2021
2. The big question
As long as you don’t touch the thermostat, you’re good.
came out to my parents (!) and my dad was like, oh that's nice! i thought you were going to ask for money!
— charlotte (@charlvickers) January 29, 2021
1. Low ink
WHY DO YOU NEED CYAN? IT’S BLACK TEXT ON WHITE PAPER.
if “capitalism breeds innovation” why don’t printers work
— yamini (@showmetheyamz) January 30, 2021
What a roundup! Check back in soon for more.
Who are your favorite people on Twitter to stalk?
Tell us in the comments.