I’ve got a real problem here.

First, I love puns, which is a problem all on its own. To make matters worse, I’ve got this job where I write all these lists of interesting internet things, and puns are the perfect fodder.

So far so good, you might say. But wait. There’s a catch.

In order for me to construct a list of puns, I need to provide my own witty commentary in the form of a title and a subtitle for each item. A joke on a joke on a joke. A pun on a pun on a pun. It’s too much. It’s too overwhelming.

My solution is this: I will provide commentary in the form of an anti-pun. No jokes from me. I will just spell out exactly what is happening. We begin:

12. Reptiles

Because they’re iguana’s, you see.

11. Turtle

The creature is in fact, a baked facsimile.

10. Auction

Such an individual may not be aware of the rate the auctioneer had reached.

9. Foot

The missing limb is now dead tissue, is the joke.

8. Scarecrow

Such devices are typically composed primarily of hay, a homophone of “hey.”

7. Gas money

Gas is found in both cars and human butts.

6. Ghosts

Spirit may refer either to attitude or supernatural essence of a person’s being.

5. Elevator

These are literally the functions of an elevator.

4. Drugs

“School” is the collective noun for fish.

3. Bone

The human body contains several of these spooky bois.

2. Solar eclipse

Such an eclipse occurs when our home star, the sun, is blocked from our perspective by the moon.

1. Baggage

The luggage appears to sport a discontented face, in a classic case of pareidolia.

I believe fun has been achieved. Congratulations, everyone. It has been a pleasure working with you.

What’s the best/worst pun you know?

Share it with us in the comments.