Did you know that China, Iran, and North Korea have all banned Twitter?
If you ask a smart person why that is, they’ll probably give you a very solemn answer about totalitarian governments cracking down on the free exchange of information as a way to exert undue control over their citizens, but if you ask me, a dumb-dumb who don’t know nuthin’ ’bout nuthin’, I’d say my theory is they just can’t stand how funny everybody is on Twitter.
They’re jealous. They wanna spin comic gold too and they know they just can’t compare.
Lucky for you, you live somewhere that doesn’t ban the funnies, and now you get to read some.
12. Have it your way
The burgers sit without a king to rule them.
Anarchy at burger king pic.twitter.com/MhrWPPyfXY
— James Stanley (@SweetBabyJame) September 6, 2020
11. Different strokes
This is real though. Those ages are worlds apart.
when i was 22 i dated a guy who was 27 who broke up w me because we were “just at different places in our lives” and then he told me “for example i have to stretch every morning”
— steph mccann (@steph_mcca) September 8, 2020
10. Clawing up
When you wanna party but you have the tolerance of a fetus.
I just saw a girl on tiktok say she blacked out after 3 white claws and I am fundamentally convinced that no American has ever actually been drunk
— Keira Gilleechi (@gilleechi) September 5, 2020
9. Be best
Guess I’ll just never communicate again, then.
Having only recently learned that my go-to email sign off, "Best," is considered hostile in some circles, I am facing an existential email crisis.
— Kate Carpenter (@katebcarp) September 2, 2020
8. On again off again
How has this gone underappreciated for so long?
What's the best lyric of all time and why is it if the light is off then it isn't on pic.twitter.com/porSQ4ZMwi
— Lizzie McGuire (@ImLizzieM) September 6, 2020
7. Bring the heat
Check out my very hot only fans.
People with no ac using they fan pic.twitter.com/ZFpRWAkFcR
— jay (@jaymsazo) September 7, 2020
But why is she in a DRAWER?
I opened a drawer and screamed. Mum goes ‘Oh that’s Maureen’. pic.twitter.com/sSTgaq5iit
— Deirdre (@figgled) September 5, 2020
Stop digging, you struck gold.
thats right mf you better walk that one back pic.twitter.com/paLMDnQBL6
— Maffy (@matthewduchesne) September 6, 2020
4. Feel the pain
Lol we thought we knew what suffering was back then. Cute.
the height of social media was like 2008 when you’d post “I hate everyone to the bitter end, nothing turns out right, there’s no end in sight, I hate my life” (mad about geometry homework) and your aunt would comment “you need to call me” and you’d reply “lol it’s song lyrics”
— 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗯 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗼𝗻 (@calebsaysthings) September 3, 2020
3. Stonks are up
“Imagine a product but it doesn’t actually do anything.”
So horny I let him explain stocks
— kim (@kimmiesenpai) September 4, 2020
2. Double check
The question is, if they messed up will you have the courage and patience to confront the situation?
Me checking that they gave me my order right at the fast food drive thru pic.twitter.com/48buWSh4F8
— C H R I S ⚖️ (@saturnnboi) September 7, 2020
They say a picture is worth a thousand words but I’d say this one’s valued in the billions.
One time when I was 11 my grandma made me go to a ham curing class pic.twitter.com/7UMeWEbVrn
— Hunter (@couchunter) September 5, 2020
Of all the freedoms we enjoy. the freedom to waste our time with tweets is perhaps the most precious of all.
Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?
Tell us in the comments.