If you need some tweets, look no further! We’ve got a bunch of good ones right here. And they’re SPICY.
13. Take your pick!
The options are as innumerable as they are depressing.
My brain deciding what today's breakdown will be about pic.twitter.com/iXAvHAN7xb
— mik (@idkmikkoy) September 11, 2018
12. That’ll do, pig
I mean technically this very much counts as something you can plan on doing.
Friends: we should do something today
Me: sorry.. i have plans
My plans: pic.twitter.com/IvYj19BHDE
— Duaaaaay khan (@DuaaaaayKhan) April 2, 2020
11. Expand your palette
This is the definition of being seduced by the dark side.
me whenever i have to buy new clothes : pic.twitter.com/cnWV5c50Ov
— س. (@alshayji_s) June 23, 2020
10. The breakdown
The fact that she appears to be in pajamas makes this pretty much pitch perfect.
When you’re gaining weight, breaking out, wasting money and u don’t know what you’re doing with ur life pic.twitter.com/ba5XLgXcM3
— أفنان الفارسي (@AALFARESY) July 1, 2018
9. The sleep game
If only I could convince my brain to swap these two somehow.
how I sleep during a 3-hour depression nap in the middle of the day vs how I sleep at night pic.twitter.com/429dJOSCCK
— Seis 🥱 (@Seis_seis) December 28, 2019
8. Get me started
Really gotta carefully weigh those pros and cons.
Me tryna decide if I wanna be starting somethin. pic.twitter.com/AEyihJ0Wf4
— Jaded Smith (@DreShotThis) July 28, 2019
7. I hear ya
Then what exactly is your product even FOR? RIDDLE ME THAT!
Qtips: Don‘t place in ear canal
— Fabian (@classicalfuck) September 29, 2020
6. Gotta go fast
Amazing what the human brain can block out.
*Watches fast food documentary*
"I'm never eating fast food again"
2 hours later: pic.twitter.com/c7Gbx9NAje
— SICK CHIRPSE (@SickChirpse) August 2, 2016
5. Cheesy jokes
This is absolutely true, actually.
When someone asks you what your favorite cheese is, say "macaroni and".
— s▲r▲h (@sarahlarimer) December 21, 2012
4. Pointed questions
I think we also have booze in there somewhere but yes.
no offence but what is like……the point. are we just supposed to work and buy coffee and listen to podcasts until we die. im bored
— spooky spice (@jenniferdown) March 21, 2019
3. Surprise openings
And they are NOT gonna like what they see.
next time i’m opening up to someone is my autopsy
— 𝒷 (@b_siragusa) December 14, 2017
2. Crash into me
Well, you’ve just made my next drive unavoidably terrifying so thanks for that.
does anyone else picture themselves crashing their car and ending their life in a split second everytime they drive or like should I get a therapist lmao
— Champagne mami (@jdawgfin) March 10, 2019
1. Shred it!
I’ll never understand what part of our evolution could possibly compel us to behave this way.
Sex is cool but have you ever stood in your kitchen shovelling shredded mozzarella into your mouth straight from the bag like a goblin who’s just escaped after being held captive underground for 47 years and broken into a store that specifically only sells bags of shredded cheese
— Patrick Pebley (@ppp24) May 1, 2019
Now those are the kinds of tweets that have just the right amount of kick to ’em. Spicy and satisfying.
Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?
Tell us in the comments.