I’ve done a lot freelance work in my life (I’m doing some right now in fact!) and I’ve dealt with a lot of clients and a lot of work offers.

I’ve done work for giant corporations and small businesses and just random folks who had an idea they needed help with. Most are lovely. Some are impossible.

Once in college I did some video production work for a guy who then failed to pay me for months. When I sent him a perfectly polite email asking when I could expect payment, he responded that I “shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds me.”

Bruh. You’re not feeding me. That’s the point. Prepare for bites.

It’s crazy the expectations some people have while offering nothing in return.

Take these, for example:

13. Tech support

You’re even gonna admit that you dropped it?

12. Netflix and no chill

Doesn’t hurt to ask, I guess?

11. Party time

Why are you giving in at all?

10. Give me your clothes

Even on sale an Abercrombie hoodie is more than 40 bucks.

9. Oh no

Yeah, I’m real scared right now.

8. On the rocks

Not to be heavy handed about this but…

7. Dolla dolla bills

It’s not 1990 anymore, five bucks is not gonna feed three kids.

6. Playing with my emotions

Dude you’re talking to yourself.

5. Master negotiator

What do you mean you won’t take way less than what it’s worth? Guess you hate money.

4. Free coffee

What is it with people who seem hellbent on making sure teachers get nothing?

3. The tutors

Seriously WHY do people think teachers aren’t humans in need of material belongings?

2. Pen partnership

What you’re looking for is a ghost writer and you have to pay them, my dude.

1. Big mad

Suuuure it was your “manager.”

Oh, and that guy from the story I told up top? He never did pay me. But it’s only been like ten years. I’m sure he’s getting around to it.

What’s the most audacious thing you’ve been asked for?

Tell us in the comments.