Look, life might seem hard. But that’s only because you were raised within a framework that taught you to think of society and universe at large as both orderly and imbued with inherit justice when in fact indifferent chaos is the governor of everything, that’s all.
Once you’ve accepted that, you’re gonna be well on your way to a more comfortable existence. And to help you along, the internet is full of fun little tips to get you through!
Just look at these tweets! Don’t think about the void!
14. Just give an A for effort
“You probably worked harder than anybody else.”
Saw that my student submitted their assignment late at 2:48am so I didn’t bother opening it and just gave them a 20/20
— 🐉 (@Rob_sxchz) May 2, 2021
13. Enter the upside down
Now THIS is some next level pickup artistry.
new tinder idea: upload all my photos upside down so girls turn their phone to look at them, obviously realise am ugly and swipe left but of course that's now actually right bing bang boom match
— ethan (@human_dis4ster) July 21, 2018
12. Find creative storage solutions!
How do y’all have THAT much leftover spaghetti tho?
This is EXACTLY why you don’t ask men to put the food up 🤦🏾♀️ pic.twitter.com/rpZFRmbqQL
— SheSoAmaisN (@SheSoAmaisn) May 22, 2019
11. Rebel young
With or without a cause, it doesn’t matter!
pro tip: if you got strict parents start rebelling young so you set and lower expectations otherwise you’re gonna be 20 asking your mum if you can dye your hair
— aleena (@taxtherichh) May 1, 2021
10. Clean up your act
It’s literally the only way this is gonna happen.
I’m pretending to be a hot girl on tinder so I can match with my roomate and tell him Im coming over so he’ll clean the apartment
— Austin Locke (@austinlockedup) September 29, 2019
9. Never meet your heroes
They didn’t even have a system of imaginary currency, the idiots.
The dinosaurs didnt “rule the earth” they were just alive stop giving them credit for administrative skills they almost certainly didnt have
— Being nice, feeling nice (@InternetHippo) August 20, 2017
8. Plan your retirement now
That’s…literally nicer than my apartment.
My retirement plan is going to prison in Denmark. pic.twitter.com/mxfvLnytDh
— aborteddreams (@aborteddreams) January 13, 2021
7. Find new ways to break the news
Communication is key.
me: hi my name is matt and i’m an alcoholic
AAA: sir this is triple A
me: i know i’m explaining why my car’s in the lake
— ︎m@thew (@TweetPotato314) November 23, 2020
6. Get the keywords in
“Computer say this guy’s got it going on.”
it's fun until…you get the job: https://t.co/6WsY4LZ945
1. Copy the WHOLE job description. Paste it at the end of your résumé.
2. Change the letters to white so they blend w/ the page
3. Save as pdf so they can’t go in and see what you did#resumehack
— Et tu, Internet? (@ettuinternet) August 11, 2018
5. Keep things fresh
And you’ll never be blamed for anything.
i once worked with someone who told customers “sorry, it’s my first day!” any time they messed up. for 2 years straight
— makayla (@makaylathinks) May 19, 2021
4. Signal your intentions
You don’t want things getting out of hand.
Always give a thumbs up when yawning so that deaf people know you aren't screaming…
— Mr Dewick (@MrLDewick) May 30, 2017
3. Rely on friends
It’s what they’re there for.
there's literally no law that says you can't put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job, literally there's no law that says that
— jacky (@JackWilliamRtF) November 18, 2020
2. Go for your dreams!
They’re not that great anyway!
you want that tattoo right? why dont you just get it. your parents are already disappointed in you so that shouldn’t stop you. come on go do it🥰
— alli 🦭 (@amsteIbright) April 29, 2021
1. Level up
You’re gonna do just fine.
asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. asked them the same thing until i got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life
— witt (@50FirstTates) October 8, 2020
Now get out there and rule the world like those stupid dinosaurs never could!
What are your best life tips?
Share them with us in the comments.