It’s often said that we men are simple creatures, which I take some exception to. I can be very complex. For instance, this morning I put cereal in my bowl, then milk, THEN more cereal. I break new ground all the time, as all men do. And we need our ways to be understood. Luckily, we were afforded a venue for such proclamations via r/AskReddit where someone asked:
Behold these truths of manhood. Study them well, and take them to heart.
1. The stick of truth.
If I’m on a hike and see a good looking stick I must pick it up
2. The blank stare conundrum.
If im in a group. and am staring at you intently. i probably just spaced out and my eyes defaulted to your position fsr.
3. The…other stick of truth.
The mystery of how a d*ck works and feels.
4. The twist and shout method.
It’s called scratching your balls but its much more of a pinch and twist motion.
5. The code of silence.
Why I don’t know what the fuck my best friend is up to in life even after hanging out with him all day.
6. The twitch stream.
How you can actually twitch your penis.
All of my lady aquantences are interested to learn that we have the ability to do so.
7. Post nut clarity.
Post nut clarity is real and it ruins lives
Edit: the clairty afterwards doesn’t ruin lives, it’s the fog beforehand that ruins lives, because after nutting you realize how badly you’ve messed up.
8. The danger attraction.
That we enjoy doing stupid sh*t like cooking with a chainsaw and cook using the after burners of a f18 or using friends as ratchet straps
9. Demands and negotiation.
Compromise is a two-way street.
If you want those pink pastel bedsheets and pink pastel walls, I’m getting the Star Wars lamp.
10. The quiet mind.
I can literally be sitting there and think about nothing. When she asks what I am thinking about, i say nothing. But she doesnt believe me. In a guy’s brain there is a “nothing” box.
11. The eternal question.
“So what do you want to eat?”
The double stream
13. The nose-goes principle.
No. I don’t want to see what that noise was. I’m as nervous as you are.
14. The poor aim problem.
Sure I can aim, but it doesnt mean its going to go that way, Stop thinking its super easy, its not, and god help me if I f*cking SNEEZE!
15. The two great mysteries.
a) That we too have feelings and need companionship or
b) Why I have a boner at her grandma’s funeral
16. This is a tough one for ANY guy
I had to tell my ex wife that I had erectile dysfunction. I had gone to the doctors that day because we have had complications while having sex for the last few months, I was extremely shocked to hear I had ED. Now I’ll say this for my wife sex was one of the main reasons she was in the marriage, she had (and I’m sure she still does) a very high libido and we would have sex upwards of 3 times a week, when I got back home I told her I needed to speak with here about something. She asked “what was it?”. And then I told her I had erectile dysfunction. She then started to cry and when I tried to comfort her she got extremely pissed, slapped me and yelled at me that she wanted a divorce. And so we went through with it, however, since then I’ve gotten treatment and I can still get a hard-on and not only that I am happily married once again with 2 children.
17. We don’t always want to share
if I say “nothing”, it usually means “nothing important, at least nothing I want to spend ten minutes explaining why I was thinking of it to provide context.” This is because the follow up question is inevitably “okay, why were you thinking of that?”
Well, dear, my thoughts are a continuous stream of consciousness rambling along by themselves with odd interjections of background noises, old memories, daydreams, past nightmares, and who the fuck knows what else; and they just happened to be interrupted by you when I was wondering why cats skin color patterns don’t match their hair color patterns.
What would YOUR answer to this question be?
Tell us in the comments.