How much would you pay for this set of Twitter jokes? A hundred dollars? FIVE hundred dollars?

Well don’t answer yet, because that would be absolutely insane. They’re free. They’re always free.

Don’t pay anybody for tweets, what’s wrong with you?

Just enjoy these random jokes and be more careful with your money, geez.

15. No bones about it

It’s poetry in motion.

14. Make your way up

Oh, you’re getting stares alright.

13. What do you know?

And thus wisdom of the ages was forever lost.

12. The observer effect

I knew they were faking it all along.

11. The most wonderful time of the year

I mean…um…Solstice?

10. White collar crimes

Don’t get excitable, now.

9. Wine and dine

Hey, at least you’ve got confidence.

8. Try to keep up

I get my speedometer and my fuel gauge mixed up.

7. Going under

*Wiping tears from his eyes* You realize this counts as your lunch break.

6. Fill in the blanks

I can really anticipate your needles.

5. I forget

Run that by me one more time?

4. If a tree falls in the woods…

Add some boomy sound effects and you got yourself a program.

3. Strapping young man

A very different but intriguing version of the story.

2. Reverse incentive

Your mom’s charcuterie plates are why I show up.

1. Buck the system

You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Those tweets are absolutely priceless, which is why there’s no price on them. With so much else going wrong in this world, it’s a comfort to know that we still have free access to these gems.

Who are your favorite people on Twitter right now?

Tell us in the comments.

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