I’ve got it open now and I’m seeing that their base model bike is (on sale??) for $1,895. That’s more than I paid for my new PC this year, and this thing is literally my livelihood.
And that’s just the basic stuff. Other equipment apparently goes for over $4k, and then there’s class memberships, a monthly app payments, accessories, clothes…
Who knew going for a run was so expensive? Twitter did, apparently.
15. Cry and fly
Wait, that’s an option?
just cried on a peloton & i must say that i highly recommend it
— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) January 22, 2020
14. Couch potato
Sometimes that’s just how it go.
The most exercise I've gotten lately is couch dancing when Countdown plays during those peloton commercials
— Meredith (@MeredithEO) December 29, 2020
13. Self care
Are you telling me to throw this thing out?
had to stop pedaling to belly laugh at the peloton instructor saying “self care doesn’t mean buying things” while teaching a class to a bunch of people sitting on expensive stationary bikes they probably purchased for themselves
— maya kosoff (@mekosoff) January 4, 2021
12. The queen
I don’t care how much you croon, I shall resist your siren song of expensive fitness!
peloton using a beyoncé song in their commercial feels likes a direct attack. leave me ALONE devil bike
— Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) January 2, 2021
11. Spin me right ’round
I certainly look just as lost and confused as the hamster does when I’m on one.
A Peloton bike is like a really fancy version of a hamster wheel for quarantined soccer moms.
— Faux Ma (@Faux_Ma) July 8, 2020
10. Parasocial relationships
Hey, it’s better than nothing, I guess. Times are weird, take what you can get.
my mum literally talks about the Peloton instructors as if she knows they personally
“Leanne & me had a great class together tonight, I’ll see her tomorrow for the Beatles ride”
— Emma Savage (@emma_roseexo) January 2, 2021
9. Revealing clips
That’s how they hook you in.
I think I figured out why the peloton wife had that look on her face. It was because she couldn’t unclip herself from the bike after her first ride. pic.twitter.com/XYR8rnQAaH
— Franita Tolson (is Accident Prone) 💕💚 (@ProfTolson) December 28, 2020
8. The price of success
The narratives we create in our heads are generally far more compelling than the real thing.
I assume a Peloton is like $10,000
so every time a person I know buys one I’m like holy shit is everyone a millionaire?! I will not look up the actual price
— amil (@amil) December 27, 2020
7. Uphill battles
Keep on fighting the good fight.
a Peloton bike but its just women being encouraging as I struggle through life
— Jennifer McAuliffe (@JenniferJokes) April 16, 2019
6. One of us!
Nah, most cults are way more affordable at first.
I’ve never been part of a cult but I do own a @onepeloton, so same.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) October 28, 2020
5. Status symbols
Holy crap, I forgot about this trope but you are absolutely right.
You know how in 90s romcoms they always showed how a woman was frustrated and addicted to work because she had an exercise bike in her office? I want to order a peloton for my office/room
— Bolu Babalola (@BeeBabs) May 2, 2020
4. Making the list
You know you’re not gonna keep that resolution, who are you foolin’?
*me waiting for the peloton bikes to start popping up on Craigslist* pic.twitter.com/f4BjaCAuCc
— Justine Sanders (@JustineAnnSand) January 1, 2021
3. Feel the music!
How in the crap can you possibly bike that many hours a day?
May I enter 2021 with the energy of a Peloton instructor grooving alone in a room to a song that plays during every one of their classes.
— Robin Runyan (@RobinRunyan8) December 30, 2020
2. Feel the shine
Rudolph leading the sleigh after doing a line with Dasher and Dancer in the stables pic.twitter.com/fCw9dvx0lm
— reid (@thereidfeed) December 20, 2020
1. Absolutely tanked
I don’t know, I’m out of breath just watching ya’ll.
How do Peloton instructors talk through an entire ride? 5 mins in and I need an oxygen tank and a trip to the hospital
— Emma Duchesneau (@EmmaDuchesneau) December 29, 2020
Well, imagining even having that much money has been enough of a workout for me, I’m done.
Do you have a Peloton? Would you get one if you could?
Tell us in the comments.