Enjoy these fifteen random tweets that are super sweet treats.
15. Serious support
I mean, I guess part of the job is keeping it real, right?
I know my therapist will always be helpful and supportive but I would laugh so hard if one day she was just like seriously bitch? again? we’re talking about this again? there’s people that are dying ellie
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) November 10, 2020
We’re all gonna know how to spell this thing without looking it up soon.
“I put my thang down flip it and reverse it, it’s your bamlanivimab, it’s your bamlanivimab” https://t.co/lf37M8t3p7
— Robin Thede (@robinthede) November 10, 2020
13. The total package
But in the morning, he said he had to leaf.
Yeah, it's true, I lost my virginity to George Clooney. George Clooney Total Landscaping.
— Emily Nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) November 9, 2020
12. Peace be with you
At least I’ll finally get some sleep.
If I die and anyone says I passed away “peacefully” it’s a lie. Don’t buy it. I passed away bitching the whole time.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 8, 2020
11. The bad news
It’s the human interest story I absolutely did not want to read.
when mom calls: pic.twitter.com/v2dJtwutBh
— shelby wolstein (@ShelbyWolstein) November 8, 2020
It all comes down to this.
i think society won't be satisfied with BEFORE & AFTER weight loss pictures until there's a woman on the left side & just an empty pile of clothes on the ground on the right side WOW WHAT'S HER SECRET?!
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 10, 2020
9. A look back
There should be a store called Dad Stuff with just these items in it.
alright what book about history and/or airplanes are we getting our dads for christmas
— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) November 10, 2020
8. Donut overdo it
And the second one was a treat, because I’ve been so good.
Because I’m on diet, I only ate half of a donut and saved the other half for 2 minutes later.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 10, 2020
7. Rich dialogue
This is called a lazy exposition dump and it means somebody should be fired.
one of my odd pleasures is when writers make a character say overly detailed sentences for viewers. Like “let’s have dinner with our kids Joey and Timmy before you head back to Toronto for your 5 day work retreat!”
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) November 8, 2020
6. Take this down
Why I felt the need to preserve that we’ll never know.
would way rather have my nudes leaked than my earnest journal entries that say things like “i don’t know what’s next for me… whatever life has in store…”
— Dana Donnelly (@danadonly) November 12, 2020
Apparently that’s all it takes.
I’m about to call my favorite exboyfriend and tell him he’s not married to that lovely lady, I’m suing to have the votes recounted, and actually he and I are still dating.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) November 10, 2020
4. Know the difference
Either way, you’re definitely drunk with power.
it’s not actually a coup unless it comes from the coup d'état region of france, otherwise it’s just a sparkling authoritarian takeover
— rémy anne (@Remy_Anne) November 10, 2020
3. Nerd on nerd violence
He was such a wonderfully confusing man. Always asking questions backward and everything.
alex trebek was proof that you can be a kind person who also bullies nerds, 100% legend
— Olivia Craighead (@oliviacraighead) November 8, 2020
2. Savior complex
They don’t get to brag to people about that other guy.
I’m not saying my grandparents *worship* me, that would be crazy. I’m just saying they have 8 pics of me around the apartment and only 1 pic of jesus
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) November 9, 2020
1. The upper limit
Dictated but not read, sent from my desk.
Upped my age limit to 42 on hinge and now these men message me at 6 am “Hello, Blair. How are you? -Tim”
— Blair Socci (@blairsocci) November 11, 2020
Solid gold every once of these. Worth their internet weight in the stuff, I’d say.
Who are your favorite women to follow on Twitter?
Tell us in the comments.