If you’re a fan of The Adventure Zone podcast (and really, who isn’t?) then you’re probably familiar with their grand adventure season centering around a college specifically for heroes and villains.
It’s a great idea, and maybe it’s what inspired this particular poster on Reddit to ask the following question:
Class is in session. Here are a few topics that might be worth covering.
Mental Gymnastics: How to believe you’re actually the good guy.
How to Capture the Hero and Then Strategically Let Them Go With Them Thinking They Escaped But You Not Being In Any Danger At All Since The Hero’s Gotta Make A Living And So Do You
Henchpeople Loyalty: a class for beginners.
Logo Designs for Fear and Recognition 201
Prerequisite is Choosing Your Companion Animal AKA Do I Have Allergies? 100
“Just Kill Him Already: Time Management for Super Villains.”
Ethics in Henchman Hiring and Work Conditions.
Sarcastic Put-Downs For Your Sworn Enemies
Designing Your Dastardly Devices 301.
The prerequisites are Pernicious Physics 101 and Malicious Machinery 201.
Evil lair building workshop
Ethics and Supervillainy: Why you don’t have to be a bad guy to be a bad guy
10. Staying power
How to make yourself important enough to appear in more than one episode/movie
11. Loki crap
Mischeif: how to be evil but fun at the same time.
12. Case studies
“Doctor Girlfriend and The Monarch: A Case Study in Co-Dependency”
“German and Russian accents.”
“Psychology 101: We’re not so different, you and I.”
How to aim a firearm 101, it’s a mandatory class in stormtrooper majors and an acceptable class for most others as well.
You can destroy the planet while claiming to save it!
What could be more evil?
Genre awareness 101.
How to angrily, and efficiently, break everything in the room.
The Art of Intentionally Getting Captured As Part of Your Plan
Bane did it once, Joker did it twice in the same movie, Loki probably does this every Tuesday, and the villain of SkyFall was so crazy-prepared for his escape that he had a ridiculously specific Plan B in case of a chase that he didn’t even know was going to happen
“Efficiency of world domination by killing the hero without hesitation”
21. Emotional intelligence
Internalizing anger and blame shifting.
22. Are we the baddies?
“How to tell if you’re the bad guy class” In most cases, the “bad guys” usually don’t know they are the “bad guys”.
They feel as if they are doing the right thing and the “good guys” are trying to stop them from doing what’s right.
So my class would help them realize who they are and prevent some evil plans.
I could do more in that class than any superhero could do leveling a city in a fight.
Introduction to Making Yourself More Likable Than Your Adversaries
24. Reverse-Potter stuff
Defense against defense against the dark arts
HR Management – where the H stands for Henchmen
The bureaucracy of evil: intro to office work
Sleeper Agents and Honeypots: get them off, then bump them off
Queercoding 101: Just Flamboyant Enough to Get The Point Across
Guest lecturers include Scar, Hades, Ursula, and extra special guest, HIM from the Powerpuff Girls
How to properly vet associates so that no one double crosses them
Deadly Diversions 201: An exploration of defensive and offensive red herrings to delay and lure your rivals.
I can feel my fingers steepling with evil already.
What class would YOU teach?
Tell us in the comments.