Personally, I’m not near rich enough to hire a housekeeper or a maid or any kinds of help. I’m barely even rich enough to pay myself in my own time to clean my own kitchen.
But for those who are – what kind of implicit social contract is that? And how does it all shake out?
Let’s snoop with some Reddit folks, shall we?
1. The recovery
Dog walker, here. I was dog sitting for an older work friend once and saw her “days sober” calendar.
I was simultaneously sad, because I had no idea she was struggling, and happy for her because she had almost a full month marked off.
2. The loud talker
I’m a nanny. The last family worked for I overheard the Dad calling his insurance asking if a certain Rehab was covered.
He talks LOUD naturally.
I heard what he was going for and everything. Nobody knew not family not friends. Just me and them. They never knew I knew.
3. The Narnia office
A bit of an innocent one but while I was cleaning I saw this cabinet that was very large. Like someone could fit a body in there.
So, being curious, I opened it and saw A WHOLE ROOM. It was crazy!
Inside there was a bed and lights attached to these tall wood pieces. Then a mini bookshelf with some books and a desk and computer. It was absolutely amazing.
4. Silent but deadly
Not a house keeper but a nanny.
A family once took me on vacation with them so I could watch their kids while they‘d go out and explore the area.
That week, my bed was the couch in the living room. It’s late at night, the kids are sleeping, I’m laying on the couch and the parents get back.
The dad says, “is she sleeping” referring to me? I didn’t say anything so apparently he assumed yes. He then started farting very loudly.
5. The expectation
Our maid service found our positive pregnancy test in the bathroom trash, after presumably finding negative pregnancy tests in the bathroom trash for the previous 12 months.
Left us a nice little congratulations note on my wife’s nightstand.
I’m not a housekeeper but my late aunt used to be.
One of her clients, who was fairly well-to-do, had a whole closet full of genital themed toys. And when I say “toys,” I’m not using a euphemism for “sex enhancement items” or anything like that. Literal genital toys.
Windup penises with googly eyes on them, PEZ dispensers shaped like the most browsed pages of a skin mag (I suspect these weren’t official PEZ brand), rather risque variants on “pin the tail on the donkey”, a Nerf-like gun that fired foam phalluses . . .
My aunt is currently a house keeper.
The had this one client who would throw used feminine hygiene products under the bed; pads specifically. No matter how I think about this I just can’t imagine how someone can get to that level of grossness.
If you’ve ever had a heavy menstrual cycle and wore a pad, you know sometimes not everything is absorbed into the pad. You need to immediately sit down in the toilet or it can quite literally go everywhere.
8. Drink it in
That she got a DUI. Typical religious white collar family; husband, wife, and 4 teen kids.
She had one of those at home breathalyzer tests from the court sitting in the master bathroom, it takes your picture as you blow into it and it sends it to your probation officer. I only know because I was on probation a few years ago and had one too.
Curiosity got the best of me and I looked at her public record…yup. DUI and she messed up on probation too, had another court date. After that I started noticing 12 step books and such.
9. Enjoy your stay
Working in hotels is similar to cleaning someone’s house, because those comfortable will lay it out for you.
You can tell if someone is messy or tidy at home, how well they take care their things, what they eat, how much they drink, what medical problems they may have, and if you get the chance to meet them you can piece together why they live the way they do by telling their stories.
I never made fun of our guests or judged them. That would be so unfair and intrusive.
10. I’m not telling him, you tell him
Man of the house ask me and the other cleaning crew ladies if we have ever seen this type of dog leash. Holds up what is clearly a under bed restraint system looking confused. I didn’t say s**t. We all looked at each other like “f**k no im not telling him” he says “mmm, maybe she wants a dog. Why was it under the mattress ???” He just wandered off dragging this thing behind him.
He was a nice guy worked a lot, tipped well, gave us holiday bonuses. She was a trophy wife, and was not nice to him.
They divorced while i still worked their, he got a dog named mayonnaise and was much happier. It was a rescue greyhound. Sweet dog. I don’t live in that town anymore but i hope mr jim is happy still.
11. LOL look at the username
My cleaning guy caught me leaving the house once.
Said he knew I smoked pot because he’d find stuff for it a lot and asked if he could find me some for a camping trip with his wife.
I freaked a little after he just said “I know you do marijuana”. I was like am I catching a lecture
12. Inside out
Not the housekeeper, but,
I thought I had this brilliant hiding spot. And when I lost my wallet, my Maid told me “you should hide it with those papers inside your nightstand next time”.
I felt such fear. She knows the house better than any of us.
13. Twilight breaks
Buddy of mine used to clean houses with his mom.
He told me about this one massive mansion they would clean and how there were no mirrors in the entire house. There also weren’t a lot of windows and if there were, they had thick drapes.
He met the family only once and told me they were very pale and quiet people.
He worked for f**king vampires
Honestly, everything. I worked in a house manager/butler type of position, and there is nothing you don’t find out eventually.
The trajectory of the toothpaste droplets on the mirror would tell me which of the women had spent the night. I knew passwords to computers, alarm systems, bank accounts and safes that I hadn’t necessarily been provided with.
Drugs, kinks, medical history, sordid family secrets, skeletons in the closet, you name it. I think that’s the reason salaries get obscene if you stay long enough, your silence is literally golden.
15. The embezzler
I wasn’t exactly a housekeeper but I was cleaning up files at a job that I quit a few years ago.
Within a week, I found out that the owner never paid any of her bills and used government funds (that was supposed to go to the adult care center she ran) to buy herself expensive cars and houses that she shouldn’t have been buying in the first place.
The intrigue is absolutely scintillating.
Have you ever been in a position like this?
Tell us about it in the comment.