Ever wanted to be a superhero? Maybe. But have you ever wanted to be a super villain? Almost definitely.
But that’s not easy, you know. It takes time. It takes training. It takes big ideas like the ones proposed in this thread on Reddit.
Get ready to steeple your fingers academically. It’s time to get evil. here are just a few things we could educate each other on.
I’d teach 99 different ways to say “You and I are not that different” to the heroes
Maniacal Laughter for Beginners
3. Advanced Laughing
A lot of guys ignore the laugh. And that’s about standards.
If you’re going to get into the Evil League of Evil, you gotta have a memorable laugh.
You think Bad Horse didn’t work on his whinny? His horrible . . .death. . .whinny?
How to frame the heroes in tax fraud
The IRS will do the rest of the work
5. Mad Science
Mad science 101
You’re not a mad scientist without a diploma without it you’re just an irritable lab assistant
Advanced Hands 201: Finger Arches, Dramatic Pointing, and Sweeping Gestures
Grooming your lap cat.
Evil Empire Finance – Make your money work for you.
Self destruct buttons.
I would teach “Long-winded plan divulging monologues that allow the heroes time to stop the villain at the last second 101”
11. Guest lecturers
I would invite Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz for guest lectures
12. Public speaking
Evil public speaking 101.
Learn how to elegantly communicate evil plans to the world and conduct ransom demands.
While practicing in a safe supportive environment.
Create a custom holster, vest, or eye patch.
“How to rebrand with a tragic backstory.”
The Fine Art of Looking Innocent
Betrayal Class: Become “friends” with your enemy, and stab them in the back, literally.
17. Alternative Monologuing
Yeah you could do a class on evil monologuing…
But alternatively there should be a class on how to resist the urge to monologue and just kill the hero before he has a chance to escape
Shark laser installation 101
The Subtle Art of F**kery.
A study in petty.
20. ADVANCED Monologuing
How to not run your mouth 101.
Day 1 – stop talking about how you are going to kill the hero.
Day 2 – once caught, stop talking to the hero and just kill him.
Day 3 – Exam – go prove that you have listened, and actually kill the hero.
Engineering Supervillianry 101: Over-engineered devices and incredibly complex ways to kill the hero.
Extra credit if the hero is able to use the device against itself and get free.
Introductory gen ed course, I teach minions to seize and ultimately fail when their boss yells “seize them!”
Plotting the downfall of your nemesis 101.
White Collar Crime.
Jesus Christ, you people just bring attention to yourself. You have capital, just steal from the vanishing lower middle class like all the actually successful crooks do.
Bonus Points: There’s almost no risk of actually going to prison or getting punched in the face by weirdos in spandex.
How to escape in style.
Law – how to be a villain and be 100% legal.
Salesmanship and Subversion: the COBRA method
Law, morals and how to use them against the heroes.
Diversity and Inclusion: how to make people hate each other and feel good doing it.
Manipulation beginners course. The entire class is just me writing down “people are stupid. Spreading misinformation is easy. You don’t need to take over the tri state area by force.”
If I do say so myself, mwahahahahaha.
What class would you teach?
Tell us in the comments.