You ready for a hot, steamy time?
Well then you should go elsewhere, because today we’re talking about stuff that’s supposedly really hot, but really isn’t.
What do the people of Reddit want us all to knock off? Let’s find out.
1. Doin’ it under a waterfall.
I had s** under a waterfall once. It was slippery (the rocks we were standing on, not the s**) and cold (once again, the water, not the s**). 1/10 do not recommend.
But s** next to the waterfall, on a blanket laid out in the sun, listening to the roar of the water, was a lot of fun. 10/10 would recommend at an appropriately remote waterfall.
2. Bringing chocolate spread to bed.
I did that! A special one from a s** shop that purported to be easy to clean … We painted each other a bit and licked it from chests, backs, it was fun.
We were in a hotel and then, to our horror, some got on the sheets. It does definitively look like crap.
We left the box of the product displayed prominently on the bed, hoping the poor person cleaning would be – slightly- less grossed out. Never again.
3. Whipped cream.
Years ago, I worked as the night manager of a Piggy Wiggly in Georgia.
One night, these two bros in business attire show up at the register with every can of spray whipped cream we had. They bragged that they had picked up a couple of strippers, and the whipped cream was gonna make banging them that much better.
When their guaranteed s** improvement spray total came up to about $40, one asked “Hey, if we don’t use all this, can we bring it back?”
I wanted to say that there was no way in h**l they were gonna bring rancid from not being stored in a fridge cans of whipped cream that were likely covered in antibiotic resistant gonnaherpesyphillis back into my store.
But instead of saying that, I said “Uh… no.”
4. Too much cologne / perfume.
All you need is a dab of ascent on your neck or your wrists, and the scent shouldn’t be so overpowering that others can smell you from a mile away.
The scent you wear should be subtle, but noticeable
5. In the shower.
A lot of my bf’s over the years have really liked shower s**. I always hated it.
It’s uncomfortable and you get cold if you’re not directly under the stream of water (which usually I would not be because I’m very petite and I have a much-larger-than-me man in the way) and you are dealing with water in your eyes.
I’m always focusing too much attention on not slipping and face-planting my jaw onto the porcelain soap tray or whatever.
Water actually makes sh**ty lube and causes uncomfortable friction up your hooha, and those black lines of gunk you can never completely get rid of around the base of the shower door are just so not s**y.
6. Doin’ it in a sports car.
You always see rich guys in movies with some hot babe that’s all over him, pulling up in his exotic/sports car.
That s**t is super uncomfortable, and women’s heels on soft leather/alcantara is a big no no.
Giant driveshaft tunnel in the middle and a driver oriented cockpit are terrible for it. -Giggity- I’ve had more comfortable s** in the back of a Kia Morning.
7. Mid-coital screaming.
I’m married now, but when I was single and dating, there were a couple women I was with who would yell like sports fans in a stadium during an orgasm.
Meanwhile, my ear was roughly 6 inches from their head. Not pleasant.
8. Leaving underwear the next morning.
Some girl left me her underwear as a s**y reminder of our night together. Except, what the h**l am I supposed to do with them? Wear them? Smell them? Hang them on the wall? Like what is the point here???
Anyways they went in the garbage.
9. Those pics.
Nobody ever takes flattering d**k picks, it’s always just a down-looking angle. Like at least be in a cool position with good lighting.
Put some effort into it, it’s your schlong after all.
“Mm, baby, you want to have s** with this person?
Ooh, yeah, look at them, they’re barely old enough to legally consent.
Doesn’t that turn you on?
Look at their body, they haven’t had any s**ual experiences whatsoever, they’re perfect.”
That is largely how I interpret it.
11. Club dancing.
I think dancing in a club is supposed to be s**y?
But it’s never the cute guy you’ve been crushing on for months who comes up behind you, it’s always a Chad.
Pretty sure real s**y club dancing is only in movies. I’ve only seen the ratchet s**t.
12. The “daddy” thing.
I have a daughter, I never ever f**king wish to be called ‘Daddy’ and the amount of women who just say it is too f**king high!
Call me “Mr.Big” call me “Princess Fiona!” I don’t care, but “Daddy?”
13. Assuming they’ll like what you like.
Maybe you might think biting their nipples will turn them on because your last partner f**king loved it, but chances are it probably won’t.
If you think something is s**y, ask your choice partner before you try it.
Not ruining the mood is one of the s**iest things you can do.
I understand why people may be attracted to the idea of a kind, caring nurse who will take care of you.
However, the reality of nursing is GROSS!
Barf, blood, pee, poop, spit, sweat, and more!
It’s exhausting and hardly any nurse at the end of their shift feels s**y, just “give me a shower and some sleep.”
15. Strip clubs.
Nothing exciting about knowing nothing will happen between us. Not to mention that being surrounded by 50 other h**ny dudes just feels gross.
Allegedly some have great food though so… maybe that’s worth something.
Man, is it hot in here? No, it’s literally just me.
What else would you add to this list?
Tell us in the comments.