Anyone who has worked in retail – or indeed any job that requires direct interaction with customers – knows that it’s kind of the worst.

Just ask all the people on this Reddit thread:

What is the dumbest question a customer has ever asked you? from AskReddit

The stories are as jaw-dropping as they are hilarious. Here are just a few of the best:

1. Just plane wrong.

I fly private jets. Once we were flying east early in the morning so the sun was directly in our eyes.

A passenger was sitting directly behind us on the jump seat. He leaned forward and asked “is there any way we can just climb and get above the sun?”

No.

– StrykerATL

2. This is VERY alternative medicine.

Once, while working at an eye doctors office, a woman was upset because we were charging her to make new lenses with an updated prescription and asked “why do you have to make new lenses, just inject some more medicine in the ones I already got?”

– Danwhodonit

3. This guy’s running on low.

I was working at a car battery store, when a customer came in with a receipt for a battery he had bought a couple weeks ago, asking for a refund. I asked him if he had the battery with him, so that we could take the battery back and refund him the money, when he said, “No I don’t have it anymore, I put it in a car I just sold.” Confused, I replied, “You want us to refund you for a battery that you don’t have anymore?” He responds, just as confused, “Yeah well I don’t have the battery anymore, so why should I have to pay for it? You need to refund me.”

He did not leave the store happy that day.

– GrantRusticus

4. Gotta love modern conveniences.

I work for a major wireless cell carrier in the US.[…]

“How do I make a phone call?”

Me: “Just press the application labeled phone.”

“Where?”

Me: “On the phone.”

“Right here? The one that looks like a phone?”

Me: “Yes.”

“Nothing is happening!”

Me: “Normally when you want to make a phone call and you don’t have any contacts programmed into the phone, dialing a phone number is required.”

“If I wanted to waste time dialing numbers, I would have stuck with my land line!”

– quartpint

5. How does it know?

Gas station.

“Hey, the bathroom door is locked. Can I get a key?”

“There’s no key, if it’s locked there’s someone in there”

“How does it know?”

“How does… what… know… what?”

“How does the bathroom know someone is in there?”

“People…. people go in and then they lock the door while they’re using it.”

[5 second pause]

“Ohhhh”

– SenorBeef

6. It’s time they were party trained.

“What do you mean I can’t bring my 6 month old baby into the nightclub?”

– [user deleted]

7. The cycle continues.

“Yes, I understand I haven’t paid my credit card bill in 3 months. But why can’t I use my card?”

“Because you haven’t paid your bill in 3 months.” repeat

– nolooselips

8. You don’t have to apologize. We know we’re dumb.

I worked in a heritage park in Ireland and we had a group of Viking re-enactors in one weekend, putting on a really good show of crafts, games and a trial.

This American (sorry) tourist came up and asked us “Do you guys have reservations for your Vikings like we do for our Indians?”

– [user deleted]

9. Well, there’s your problem.

Customer screaming: “MY NEW CAR’S BACK WIPER DOESN’T WORK!!!”

we walk outside, look at back window

Me: you don’t have a back wiper blade.

– Proxy12345

10. A prehistoric appetite.

Working at a museum where the main attraction is the dinosaur exhibit, we sell a lot of cheap products aimed at children. And we sell a lot of them.

Especially “Dino Eggs.”

A grandfather (I presume) and his grand-daughter (once again, I presume. And hope.) came into the shop, always busy, always cramped. And he picks up a Dino Egg for her.

Hands it over. Pays quickly. “No bag, no need.” Lovely, simple transaction.

But just as the till drawer has closed and I am pulling out his receipt to hand him, I’ve seen him in the corner of my eye tear open the packaging of this “egg”, smash open the lovely plastic shell and taken a big shard to his mouth.

He begins to chew, turns slowly to me and only then does he think to ask, “Is this edible?”

“No…!” I gasped. “No, sir. That… that’s not edible. You really shouldn’t eat that.”

The little grand-daughter’s face sinks further watching her grandpa spit out bits of plastic into her broken dinosaur egg. A fake dino-egg designed to be immersed in water so that the rubbery-dino toy on the inside can “grow and hatch.”

I gave him another. Well, I gave it to his grand-daughter. Best to keep it away from him, he was clearly ravenous.

– ParrotChild

11. Everything the light touches is yours.

I work in a liquor store whose inventory is 80% wine. You literally have to walk past aisles of wine to get to the hard liquor near the back.

I was in the scotch aisle in the back of the store when a customer approaches me, looks me me dead in the eyes and asks “Hey, where do you keep the wine at?”

I took a few seconds to react, not sure at first if the guy was f*cking with me or not, but upon inspecting his sincerely frustrated gaze I arrived at the conclusion that the man was indeed serious.

I responded by simply pointing behind the gentleman and then sweeping my arm from one side to the other like I was showing my lion cub all of the land that would one day be his to rule.

– theoutlet

12. Harry who?

Today a customer asked me if I was the same Harry as the Harry she spoke with yesterday.

My name is not Harry and I wear a name badge at work..

– El_Capitano_MC

13. Freaky fast and just plain freaky.

I work at jimmy johns. All jimmy johns have a sign that says free smells. Had a lady come through the drive thru one day while me and my manager are running it. She asks about the free smells after her order and my manager tells her okay you can pull up. She gets to the window, gets her food then proceeds to look through the bag. She eventually looks up all confused and asks where her free smells are? My manager jokingly says “oh yeah come inside and you can smell all you want for free!” She then says “ok *sshole!” And then speeds off.

To this day i have no f*cking clue what she though would be in that bag.

– blowin_Os

14. Again, American tourists making us all look bad.

My dad used to work at Windsor Castle, built in the 11th century, home to the Queen and nearly 1,000 years old.

An American tourist saw a plane flying nearby, and walked over to him.

“Why’d they build it so close to the airport?”

– robinthebum

15. Time zones are fascinating.

Spoke to the tour guide at the lodge I stay at (wild game lodge) and he said he had been asked:

Do giraffes hunt in packs?

If it’s October back in the USA, what month is it here? (South Africa)

– Ze_k_best

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go wash the dumb out of my brain. This may take a while.

Have you had an experience like this?

Tell us about it in the comments.