I have to admit, I’m not very familiar with the concept of toxic femininity at all. But one article describes it like this: “feminine behaviors, used to manipulate other people and negatively impact the world around the toxic individuals.”
So, based on that, I guess I’d have to admit that’s it a pretty big deal and it happens all over the place.
AskReddit users shared their thoughts about what they think are examples of toxic femininity. Let’s take a look.
42. Here’s the deal.
“To me it would mean women who bag on other women for being a woman in a different way than they do.
This becomes really toxic after child birth. Some women will feel nothing about letting you know how you are parenting wrong by using this product or letting you child do this particular thing.
Women who are able to stay at home will be made to feel guilty for not helping to provide; and women who work are made to feel guilty for abandoning their child.
I wish women were more understanding about dealing with differences and letting things slide a bit more. You should never feel higher after putting someone else down.
That being said, I don’t know how we did it, but I found the worlds greatest group of moms when my son was a year and a half old. We came from all walks of life and supported the ever loving hell out of each other.
This was in Phoenix late 90’s and we were completely tight until I moved away when my son was 5. I miss all of em.”
“A girl in the grade below me (I’m a senior in high school at this point) passed away unexpectedly due to sepsis. Our whole city was in shock as the girl was in the school just days before her passing.
I remember I met up with my gf at the time & she asked, “Why do so many people care about her dying? It’s not like she was pretty anyways.”
This was the type of girl that says, “What??!! I am SOOO nice.”
Safe to say, the lord blessed me with a brain and I GTFO’D that relationship.
To this day, she is still in contact with me & recently she complained that guys use her & she can’t figure out why nobody will be with her.
Well honey, I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to figure that one out.”
40. Etc., etc.
“Breast is best”
“Women who have C-sections aren’t real mothers”
“Real women have curves”
“I’m not like other girls”
39. This is shocking.
“I will never understand the amount of hate I’ve gotten for having an emergency C-section.
Women often act like I scheduled it ahead of time out of vanity. Like I didn’t want to hurt myself birthing my baby so I deliberately chose the “easy” way. They act like I scheduled it with a tummy tuck and a round of Botox.
Then, the horror when they find out that, because she was born early, there were complications beast feeding. I did everything I could, I even took drugs that made me sh*t myself TWICE to nurse her for four debilitating months, but I’m a monster who didn’t want to mess up her breasts so I selfishly bottle fed after four months.
And I’m also quite thin and my best girlfriend just told me the other day I look “too skinny.”. No. I don’t. I look perfectly healthy, I’m just thin and you’re not and because you feel self conscious you want to project that on to me.
Didn’t say that, cause I love her and that’s mean, but are you f*cking serious?
I’ve experienced ALL of these.
“As someone who likes most stereotyped housewife activities, I really don’t like people who think humans are so this or that.
I like homemaking, I like taking care of people and sewing/baking. There are some women who just want to be housewives or homemakers.
They can still be empowered and non-submissive.”
37. At school.
“There are the stereotypes about women not being able to do STEM subjects. There is a big push to get girls into that at school.
My sister is TERRIBLE at math and science, it’s not because she was raised in a sexist manner or didn’t have any role models (my mother has a degree in computer science and my grandmother was an organic chemist), it’s just that my sister isn’t good at math.
Where as, I, a guy, am very good at math and science (I’ll soon be going to university of computer science). I have many friends of both genders that are good at STEM subjects and friends from both genders that are bad at them.
I do not think any less of any of my friends for their abilities, or lack there of, in STEM. Some people are just good at those subjects and some people are just bad at them.
What’s important is that they go on to have satisfying careers and lives.”
36. Doesn’t matter.
“The idea that a woman should be let off for hurting her spouse since ‘men are stronger’.
As if the definition of abuse changes depending on your gender.”
35. Your cheating heart.
“Women who get mad at other women for warning them that their man is cheating on them.
Also, Women who get mad at only the other woman instead of both the other woman and their man.”
“I recently learned about “Gold Star” lesbians, who’ve never had s*xual contact with men, and discriminate against other lesbians who have.
Ain’t that some sh*t?
Like, I’m sure many people who now identify as gay/lesbian went through a lot of experimentation before they figured out who they were.
That’s not something to berate people over.”
“Women judging other women for using different types of menstrual products.
Some women who use tampons often sh*t on women who prefer pads.”
32. Don’t share that.
“My ex would complain that I would never send her sweet or heartfelt messages.
I used to try but she constantly screenshots and shares everything with her friends.
It’s very hard to open up and be intimate and vulnerable with someone who shares everything with everyone.”
31. A bad situation.
“Getting pregnant in order to entrap a guy, then alienating the kids from him when the inevitable breakdown of the relationship occurs.
Happening to a friend of mine right now. He hasn’t been able to see his kid since March because he was at risk and my friend was still working.
Yet, the mum has had friends around for parties and today even took him on a local holiday in a town about six hours away. Meanwhile, my friend can’t even see his own son from a short distance.
He’s mentioned how He used to pay for the house and gifts etc and I just utterly broken right now. I know it takes two to tango but this woman seems to really hurt him on purpose.”
30. Not good.
“Women who defend their abusive exes.
‘What do you mean he needs a good women to fix him?! What I wasn’t a good woman so I deserved it?!'”
29. Not attractive.
“Women who make fun of other women in hopes it will make her attractive to men.
I see it all the time on Twitter. “
“Women objectifying young men as s*xual play things, like “Hey pool boy! Wanna come rub some lotion on my back?”
If a cougar does it, is supposed to be “empowering”?
But if a man said that about a girl waitress by the pool he’d be a s*xist, misogynist pig.”
27. Playing dumb.
“The idea that we need to play dumb/act weak or helpless to attract a man.
It drives me crazy being told not to do things because “you’ll scare the boys off”.
It’s not a universal thing, but it’s so annoying when other women say sh*t like that.”
“”We should be equal. Do your own damn dishes and laundry!”
“Put out the garbage and mow the lawn? Hell no, that’s men’s work!”
I’ve literally met women who refused to learn to cook because they didn’t want to be shoved into “female roles”.
Like, geez, that’s not a female role that’s basic survival and independence.”
25. All of these.
“Threatening self harm to manipulate their partner into staying with them.
Lying about birth control/condoms or faking a pregnancy just to get a reaction from their partner.
False abuse allegations in cases of child custody and parental alienation.
Body shaming and/ sl*t shaming others. Catty and jealous behavior towards other women.”
24. That whole culture.
“The whole makeup culture tbh… Telling their friends “you look like an entirely different person with makeup!!!” like it’s a compliment, always peeved me…
Pressuring each other to look and act more feminine in general tbh, i remember girls in high school being baffled that i dont wear a push up bra (uncomfortable as hell and i had nothing to fill up a bra with anyway, i was okay with it but somehow everyone was telling me i shouldn’t be…)
And telling me I should “dress up” (aka wear more feminine clothes) more often, when I was actually quite proud of my style generally…”
““If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”
Fellas, if you encounter a women that has said or posted that, run like your mental health depends on it cause it sure as sh*t does.”
22. Gender roles.
“Women who think other women that enjoy cooking, child rearing, and homemaking are perpetuating stereotyped gender roles enforced by the patriarchy.
Tearing other women down because what they enjoy doesn’t fit into the tiny box of what YOUR version of feminism should be is toxic femininity to the max.”
21. You hear this a lot.
“”When are you having kids?” or “I just don’t see how you can be happy without kids.”
Basically anything that equates “Femininity” or “Being a woman” to “Pop things out of your uterus”. The same way lots of toxic masculinity boils down to “Men use their muscles”.”
20. Not what it means.
“Thinking females are better than males.
That’s not what feminism is. Feminism by definition is believing that females and males are equal.
If that is not what someone believes, then they are not a feminist.”
“When Ellen Degeneres joked about International Men’s Day, basically dismissing it sarcastically all like “you mean like EVERY OTHER DAY?”
Jeez I’d hope not.
International Men’s Day is about promoting and supporting cancer screening and early detection for a demographic otherwise squeamish and uncomfortable with the procedure.
If it was every other day, my prostate would have callouses.”
18. You can’t win.
“Women who make fun of you for having a flat chest, but call you a hoe when you have a larger chest.
I’ve been on the receiving end of both types of comments.”
17. So much of this out there.
“The glorification of casual alcoholism (“binge drinking”) primarily amongst white middle-aged women.”
16. The way I see it…
“Well, from what I understand, toxic masculinity is when men practice objectively self-destructive behaviors (like alcoholism, avoiding medical treatment, violent criminal behavior, etc.) all for the sake of proving how “manly” they are.
The equivalent for women would be self-destructive behavior that’s connected to being seen as feminine. I guess some examples would be eating disorders (which are more common for women), excessive plastic surgery, large breast implants, or other body modification surgeries.
Women face more social pressure than men to have an attractive appearance, while men face more pressure to be “tough”. The self-destructive behaviors of both genders tend to reflect these pressures.”
15. It’s similar…
“Similar to toxic male energy.
Not respecting boundaries of the opposite s*x, using them, disrespecting them, abusing them… adhering to rules of “all men are this!””
14. Mind your own business.
“Women who hold to the: “you aren’t a REAL woman unless you have children” idea.”
13. Fighting is bad all around.
“Picking a fight and then pulling out the v*gina card when you get hit back.
Beating up your boyfriend, then calling the cops on him when he only tries to defend himself from your onslaught, crying about how he beat up a girl so he gets taken to jail
Telling the father of your children that he can’t see them if he doesn’t pay child support.”
“Personally, I think the most toxic a woman could be is if she makes false r*pe/assault accusations.
I mean, not only is she taking a horrible crime to her advantage, but she is also ruining the lives of other people for her own gain.
Anybody who does this is f**cking trash and I hope they burn in hell. You don’t make fun of that sort of stuff.”
“Just cattiness in general.
I’m a female and I pretty much had 1 or 2 friends going up. The clique like mean girls mentality is horribly toxic. Women gossip about each other and gang up on each other at workplaces too.
It’s absolutely exhausting and I can’t be around it.”
10. The wrong place.
“Using feminism in wrong places , stretching it far enough to make real issues negligible. Saying this from personal experience.
My dad does physical domestic violence on my mother. As a kid, I didn’t know what to do. Recently, out of blue I found courage to tell my dad if he raised his hand at my mom another time, I’d call police on him.
He replied “I’ve seen women like you running around with feminism boards, so shut up” . I repeated myself anyway, just so he’s clear.
What’s worse, after I had protected my mom, both my mom and elder sister scolded me , emotionally blackmailed me to apologize to my dad.
False feminism when they go outside and raise voices but fail to protect women inside their own homes.”
9. Not fair.
“The idea that men can’t be good parents.
Surely that guy at the park is a creeper, he can’t just be a great parent who took his kid to the park.”
8. Not girly enough.
“Mothers telling their daughters that their interests aren’t girly enough and then trying to ban them from them…or straight up banning them from their actual interests and signing them up for stereotypically girly activities.
…which is how I got put into ballet classes and Girl Scouts.”
7. Totally toxic.
“The absolutely toxic “mommy” culture. Examples… if you have kids, you’re raising them wrong. If you don’t have kids, you’re “missing out on the joy of children!”. If you’re never had kids “you will never really know joy”.
Birthing a child does not make you special or better than the millions of other women who have done it for centuries, long before you used your uber-expensive doula at your birthing center to “connect” with labor so you could mommy-shame women who gave birth at a hospital or GOD FORBID had a c-section.”
6. Not everyone does it.
“Women who get judged for not shaving their legs.
I understand some people are uncomfortable by pubic hair which I think is stupid anyway, but if you judge my hairy legs and call them gross even though my hair is BLONDE.”
5. Not always about that.
“When you genuinely like another woman (not in a s*xual way, but like a “you’re pretty, smart, clever, and chill” way), and when you start to like and comment positively on her posts, she assumes you’re being creepy, shady, and obsessive.
I don’t know if that counts or if anyone else has ever experienced that, but it kind of makes me think twice when uplifting a fellow female, because I don’t want her to assume I have negative motivations or something.”
4. Thoughts on this one?
“Remember that woman that called the cops because the black guy told her she wasn’t suppose to have a dog there?
It was racism, but it wasn’t only racism that made her think she would get away with that.
She was attempting to use her privilege as a woman to weaponize the police.”
3. It’s a little overused.
“Dismissing any rational objection or input from a man as “mansplaning”.”
2. A good point.
“I feel like any women who say “all men are trash” are pretty toxic
Or if they say that men won’t know how they’re feeling because they’re men, even though they’re probably willing to listen to them and try to understand what they’re going through even if they haven’t personally dealt with it.”
1. The gossip game.
I’m not saying men don’t gossip, but women are on a whole different level when it comes to social warfare and in a lot of cases they are experts at weaponizing their words to destroy a person in a variety of different ways.”
How about you?
Have you ever had to deal with toxic femininity?
If so, please tell us about it in the comments. Thanks!