“I would always think to myself, ‘How could another person kill someone?’ And then I got cheated on, and I was like, ‘Oh, okay.'” – John Mulaney

Cheating sucks. But what about being a PART of the cheating? Let’s Ask Reddit:

People who had an affair while in a relationship, how did it begin, how did it end and what did you learn? from AskReddit

The answers vary but the central message is the same: it’s awful all around.

1. Insult to injury.

Not me, but my sister was unwittingly the other woman.

She found out when they went on vacation and the wife called her and informed her that he was married with 4 kids…to add to the creep factor, his wife had just recently given birth and he named the child after our younger sister!

– themostclevername

2. Excitement at what price?

I can give a slightly different perspective. I was the guy that a girl cheated with.

I did not know she had a boyfriend at the time, but basically I met her at a party, that her boyfriend was at apparently, and asked her out later- she said yes, and we just started dating for 6 weeks. She kept making excuses for time that I assumed were cultural differences (she is asian). About 6-7 weeks later, I broke up with her. Within that next week, she tried getting back together with me twice.

A week after I broke up with her, I was invited to a party and once I got there, I was told someone had to talk with me. Turns out it was the BF, and he just kinda asked me questions about it. Once he understood that I had no idea that they were dating, he said thank you and left. I have no idea if they broke up, but if I were to bet on it I would say they were back together, he was whipped, which kind of makes me understand why she cheated with me.

She kept saying how I brought the excitement back into her life. They had been together for 2 years. I felt guilty for about two weeks, then I moved on.

– PUAIT

3. What a fable.

Old gf from college emailed me. We’d ended on a strange note years ago. Unfinished business. We were both married. Email continued. I was going to be at a bar near her one night. I told her, she met me. It was like no time had passed. Ridiculous chemistry like from day one. We kissed. It was like electricity coursing through my body. It was intoxicating. I think we both knew it was not the end. I wanted more of that feeling at just about any cost. Addictive. Fast forward a year, we had been meeting and f*cking each other about twice a month, sometimes only once a month, but we talked every day. Email, text, phone.

Eventually she got caught, spilled everything. Melt down. Husband messaged my wife on facebook. She called him, he told her everything. Chaos. Mistress doesn’t work and has a kid with husband. Dependent on him. She stayed and he is dealing with it. I used the momentum to get out of a relationship I obviously should have ended sooner (I guess). No children, married less than 3 years. She’d work past it but I’m not sure thats the right thing to do so I’m holding to staying apart. Mistress has not replied to any text or email since. Now I have nothing. I think there is an Aesop Fable about a dog, a bone and his reflection that fits here nicely.

This literally just happened. The end.

– Freddit_the_III

4. Well, that was unexpected.

My wife and I were constantly fighting. My wife was lying to me and hiding stuff from me. I met a woman at work in a similar situation. Her husband was doing drugs and being cruel to her. We started talking about it, complaining to each other about our horrible home lives while at work. We became friends, then lovers.

I cheated on my wife with her for months before we were finally caught (because I am a man and men are stupid!) My wife wanted a divorce once she knew I was cheating. We divorced… right after my lover also left her husband. Lover moved in with me in my little post-divorce efficiency apartment, and we’ve been together ever since.

That was about ten years ago, and we’re still together. We got married about three years ago.

My life lesson: You can find the right woman at the worst time.

– TheoSidle

5. That kind of trust can’t be rebuilt.

Here I am that involuntary *sshole guy. I found her online, chatted online for nearly a month and started talking everyday. Finally, we meet. Sparks all over the place. Recently divorced, corporate lawyer for a huge company. We drop the L bombs after a few months. The only thing that gets in the way is her crazy schedule. I wake up at 7ish, she has meetings at 6 with overseas clients.

Never once woke up together. Fast forward another three months. I wake up with her in the morning, she says we need to talk. I am like, ok, here we go. Initiate being dumped sequence. But no. She says do you remember how I told you I was divorced? Well, I might have been a little flexible with that. I rush out of the bad upset as hell, and I say… so I have been f*cking someone’s wife for all these months?

Her response: Isn’t it great that I choose to be with you ALTHOUGH I am married?

Yes, these people DO exist. She was going to his bed all these mornings she woke up and left early. The only thing I am dying to know till this day is… what was she telling the husband about all these nights she spent outside. Destroyed my trust in women for quite a bit.

– flying_neutrons

6. Stick it out.

I met her when my wife and I were constantly fighting. Even though she was based overseas, she was a flight attendant so she arranged all her flights to where I was and we would be able to meet up 6-9 days per month.

After I patched things up with my wife, I tried to break up with her but she said she would stick with me no matter what. It has been 11 years, and she is still with me.

– I_am_that_asshole

7. It gets easier and easier.

Been married for five years and have three beautiful kids. I love my wife and have little desire for our relationship to fail. But things get stale after a while. Sex is the same old thing and you want something different–something fresh.

Fights happen, and because of these fights, it makes having an affair out of spite easier. The sad thing is, once you have an affair, it becomes easier and easier to do continuously. Sites like Craigslist and Backpage make it even easier.

I don’t want to cheat, and in all honesty, haven’t in almost a year. But lets be honest–the fights don’t stop, nor does the desire for fresh sex, so the urge always creeps back up. To make matters worse some sex therapists (I don’t know this out of personal experience, as I’ve never been to such a therapist, but the internet provides all this info) suggest extra-marital relationships like this.

If you haven’t cheated yet, find the strength NOT to, because once you cross that line, its hard to keep yourself from crossing that line again and again.

– random-nobody

8. “She cheated once, she’ll cheat again.”

I was that guy sort of. The girl in question had a boyfriend that had moved several states away looking for work and they had been in a rocky relationship until this point.

I met her at a party and she eventually broke it off with the dude after we had hooked up for a few weeks. We were together for a while after that but as the adage goes, what goes around comes around and she cheated on me and the relationship ended. I felt sh*tty for doing it and while the exact same opportunity came up while I was with this girl, I did not act on it.

I’ll never start a relationship that way again. Too many trust issues and more often than not the “she/he cheated once, they’ll cheat again” is true.

– chromatographic

9. Live and learn.

I met her at work. We were both married. I was a journalist and she was a cop. We were casual friends for years. Both of our marriages became strained at about the same time. It all happened on election night. I was covering the election and she was showing support at a candidates camp. The kiss just happened. This was all just about 10 years ago. We now live together and I know in my heart that we will be together forever.

What we both learned: Have the respect and the decency to break it off with your SO FIRST! Man up and do the right thing. I would change that one thing about my life first if I could. People were hurt that should not have had to pay for our sins, and I truly regret that.

– [user deleted]

10. Don’t be a young idiot forever.

I used to cheat on my girlfriend in college. I never had any ‘side relationships’ though. Just one night stands or sleeping with a girl that I had already slept with in the past. So there was no ‘breaking it off’. I just moved on with my life.

I was young and horny and I don’t do that kind of sh*t anymore. It was weird because I didn’t really feel guilty either. It was kind of like a spiteful thing. Oh you hung out with your friend and some guys? Well I’m gonna go f*ck Christy. You took a picture with some guy I don’t know? Oh well I’m gonna try to f*ck this girl at the bar right now. I was an *sshole but I learned from it. I learned that I didn’t really love her cuz if I did, I wouldn’t have acted like that. I learned that I would never marry her because I could never look her in the face on our wedding day knowing what I had done. I broke up with her after a couple years and I never cheated on a girl since then.

This was all when I was 19-22.

Now I’m more mature and if I’m in a relationship that I’m not happy in, I end it. It’s hard to end relationships sometimes but you can’t be a pussy about it. Just man the f*ck up and tell her. Don’t cheat on her until you ruin everything and really break the girl down. It’s a f*cked up thing to do.

– chromebook1

I dunno about you, but after reading all that, I’m really glad to be with the lovely, loyal partner I have.

Have you had an experience like this?

Tell us about it in the comments.