The other day I was having a conversation with my girlfriend. She’s been housesitting at a place by herself in a new neighborhood, watching cats and working from home. She seemed to be getting pretty stir-crazy to me.
“When was the last time you left the apartment?” I asked. “I don’t know, four or five days ago.” she said. “Well dang,” I said, “you need to get outta there. Go for a walk!”
“I’m a woman.” she replied.
It was yet another of the periodic reminders I’ve encountered that things I think little to nothing of – like going for a walk some evening, are things that women have to take calculated consideration toward, and to live in some fear of.
Even something as simple as trying to sell an old appliance you don’t need anymore can cause no end of distress and danger, as detailed in this story by Twitter user @tradgedythyme. It’s pretty eye-opening.
Part 1: A Quick Reminder
To try to stay safe, I decided to only allow people to pick it up after 5 when my husband would be home. But a guy who works nights asked if he could come in the am instead; I said yes as long as you're here before husband leaves for work.
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
Part 2: Come Back With Help
He says he will come back with help, I say after 5 would be great. He then asks if he could just see it real quick before coming back and bringing someone over, in case he doesn't want it. So, now I have a decision to make.
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
Part 3: Assessing the Likelihood of Danger
Feeling like he's more likely to be safe than unsafe, and feeling badly about not letting him see the dryer, I invite him in. Once in the basement, he's POSITIVE he can get it out with just a LITTLE help he says, looking at me.
Fuck it. I pick up a side.— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
Part 4: He Starts to Speak
He's staring at me, hard. Right in the eyes, sly smile on his lips. My hair is matted to my forehead. I can't get a comfortable grip. I'm just about to ask him what's going on – is he even lifting? – when he starts to speak.
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
Part 5: Look at You
So I do what women do, lower my eyes, pretend to laugh a little, start lifting faster. The comments and staring hey worse but I try to block them out. As soon as I am free of the basement I walk straight past him to my phone, wait 5 seconds, and say, "honey, the buyer is here!"
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
Part 6: Guess What Happened?
The point – other than my being pissed and wanting to tell people – is that events like this, even when we come out ok, take an emotional toll. I was scared. He left more and more of the weight on me & watched me squirm. And now I have one more "thing" that I have to worry about.
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
Part 7: If You Want to Be Allies…
And obviously, if you ever are in a woman's home alone, whether during a service call or an online sale like this, accept if she's home alone, she's likely done the assessment. Respect her space, don't do gross shit. The basics. Please.
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
Part 8: Wrong House
UPDATE 2: called the police, they were VERY helpful & said I'm in a great spot for rotating cars to sit outside as much as they can tomorrow. Going to see about taking my little one & spending the day at a friend's house tomorrow just in case. Thank you to everyone for support.
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 8, 2018
Part 9: Fear, Rage, and Disgust
And then tonight, when he came back, any fantasies I may have harbored earlier while I was typing this story about telling him to fuck off, leave me alone, etc – ALL of those disappeared immediately. I saw him and felt nothing but terror. This wasn't a man who'd physically hurt
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 8, 2018
Part 10: Never Even Touched Me
I felt when I saw him tonight was nothing short of terror. I will never, ever, be one of those movie heroines who seeks revenge and stands up for herself to teach the bad guy a lesson. I'm the girl who starts crying & shaking so badly she can't say the words "that's him" clearly
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 8, 2018
Part 11: If I’m Being Honest
The rage that I felt earlier when I told this story hay not have been productive, but it felt good. I enjoyed thinking that this rage would protect & strengthen me if this ever happened again. But then when he showed up, that rage turned to mist. Nothing had changed in me. There
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 8, 2018
Part 12: No Newfound Bravery
asshole from letgo. It wasn't enough that you said those things & trapped me in my house & scared me & that my back is killing me now from holding that thing & moving it so fast. It wasn't enough that I'd never felt scared on my house before you showed up here tonight. On top of
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 8, 2018
Part 13: You Took From Me Any Hope
NEXT DAY UPDATE: To all of the men on here pointing out what I did wrong to bring this on myself, please know I am taking articulate notes with your suggestions and cannot wait to follow your instructions and enjoy my new life of extreme safety
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 8, 2018
Part 14: Utterly Disgusting
To the men who have reached out and told me they're listening to their wives & believing that this happens to them EVERY DAY – your stories warm my heart. And to the male allies on here standing up to other men while also seeking to improve yourselves – I fucking see and love you
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 8, 2018
It’s heartbreaking to hear this sort of thing. And I know that a lot of guys are prone to shake their heads and not really believe it, because they themselves are decent people and wouldn’t do this sort of thing. But the fact that you or I may think of ourselves as decent individuals does nothing to offset the greater problem. Listen. Believe. Act on it.
Do you have a story like this?
Tell us in the comments.