Yes! It is time once again to collect all them funny tweets and bring the best to you!
And when you read these tweets we know that you’ll agree. Because there’s nothing as objective as humor, right? It’s like scientifically provable.
Oh… that’s not how that works? Humor is completely subjective? Good to know!
Either way… we think you’ll laugh at these 11 example of women being hilarious.
Let’s get to it!
1. They’re so darn cute!
But yes, they’re always moist in some way, shape or form. How?!?
Baby carrot inventor: ok so the idea is we make tiny little carrots
Baby carrot inventor: BUT we make sure they are always soaking wet
Investor: you’ve got yourself a deal
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) November 16, 2020
2. Those loans… they just couldn’t help themselves!
If you want to put them in jail, I wouldn’t mind.
pls forgive my student loans. they didn't mean to
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) November 16, 2020
3. This a pro tip if I’ve ever seen one.
She gets guys. For reals.
pro tip: if a man ever wants you to watch one of his boring man movies with him you don’t even have to pay attention just turn to him and go “holy shit” every time the music gets really loud
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) November 15, 2020
4. I mean, you can keep telling yourself that.
It’s okay to lie to ourselves every now and again.
gyms closing again???? I was about to start next week fr this time 🙄 pic.twitter.com/e9ZzW0sSbd
— Danae 🧚🏼♀️✨ (@_daannaaee) November 17, 2020
5. That rona got us shrugging
If you don’t fart for 7 whole days, this is acceptable.
It's Sunday. Everyone remember to change into a new outfit for the week.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 15, 2020
6. And after all… it’s a Wonderwall.
You remember that song from Oasis?
Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you pic.twitter.com/qCoF30eEWK
— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) February 7, 2017
7. It’s always nice to check.
To be sure, right?
Movie theater: Please silence your phones.
Me, who hasn't taken my phone off silent since 2012: *double-checks*
— Gayer, Angstier Aaron (@abgates7) May 22, 2018
8. Keep ’em coming, barkeep.
I can do this all night. Don’t cut me off.
WHEN CATS ARE SAD
Bartender: What'll ya have?
Cat: Shot of rum.
[Bartender pours it]
[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]
— phil (@PhilJamesson) March 17, 2015
9. Sooooo… are you getting a divorce, or…
You can take your puns and LEAVE!
ME: honey, it's really muggy out today
WIFE: if I go outside & all our mugs are on the front lawn, I'm leaving u
ME: *sips coffee from bowl*
— Duke Max “Carnival Lawyer” Ash (@mynameisntdave) June 15, 2015
10. Dads always gotta dad.
It’s in the rulebook they get when you’re born.
Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"
Mom: *staring at dad
Dad: …*clenches fists
Dad: *sweats profusely
Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD
— Guy Dangerous (@Lerky) October 24, 2015
11. The best feeling ever?
Yes. Yes it is.
When you’re cutting wrapping paper and your scissors start to glide is what I imagine heroin feels like.
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) December 25, 2013
And there you have it, kids! A collection of the funniest thoughts on the internet. And ALL from human beings!
Now we want to hear from you. Have you seen any awesome tweets lately that you dug?
Yeah you have! So it’s time to share them with us. Do that in the comments!