S*xuality is a spectrum, and thankfully, the societal pressures to conform to one narrow, prescribed sliver of that spectrum are easing off.
Which creates room for interesting conversations like this one on r/AskReddit:
Let’s take a look!
1. It’s in a book.
When I was little and whenever I read books about a straight couple in love, and the woman was this firey goddess, I never wanted to be the gorgeous woman in the book, I was curious about how it felt to fall for one.
I loved the idea of it.
Then, I started to develop intense crushes on girls.
2. If you have to ask…
my therapist was doing a series of quick questions and asked “you like boys?” and I was like “yeah” “and you like girls?” and I said “…no? I don’t know?” and he “well, straight people normally answer that one waaay differently”
then it hit me, at 23, that I’m not straight (might be bi) and all the watching/reading lesbian p*rn, finding that actress pretty, fantasizing about a girl 2 years my senior, noticing great boobs/*ss wasn’t me “being so ok with being straight that I was ok with having experiences with women” I actually kinda like them so yeah, I was that oblivious
3. It starts small.
Met a girl via Twitter through a tag, started talking, then moved to video calls. Every time a notification came up on my phone from her, I got that warm faced, fuzzy chest feeling. “we’re just good friends” I said to myself (like a liar). “She’s just really sweet and I like talking to her.” Four months of this and one day she mentions Philip. I ask her who that is, as I’d never heard the name from her before.
“Oh, that’s my boyfriend.”
“Oh. Okay. Recent boyfriend?”
“No, we’ve been together seven years.”
Around minute five of crying is when I realized… Crying about that and feeling like I’d gotten my heart broken wasn’t normal.
4. When your crush crushes back.
One time in high school, I knew a girl who was really attached to me. I had low self esteem and she would always be happy with me and she would say things like “You look cute today” and “That skirt matches your eyes”. I never thought she liked me because I would just think, nobody can like me or I would just think I was lucky to have someone so nice.
It was by valentines day she made me chocolate in a little pink lock and lock as she confessed her love to me. I almost fainted as I coughed in shock. Wrong reaction. She was confused but we talked it out. That year we went to prom together, she was my 1st best kiss that grade, and we were one of the most famous lesbian couples in our school.
We later broke up because she was going to her dream college in California and we both agreed a long distance relationship wouldn’t be good.
Ever since, I knew I was gay af.
5. Finding your chance.
When my best friend came out as a lesbian and my brain went automatically “YES WE HAVE A CHANCE WITH HER…….wait” so turns out I’m bi
6. It’s magic.
Very first clue that I was bi was rewatching Harry Potter when I was 11 and wanting to make out with Hermione super bad.
Then when I was 13 me and my friends were all at a sleepover and, since we were h*rny teens, we played spin the bottle.
I got my best friend and it was like the best thing ever
7. So many sleepovers.
When I was 13/14 I was at a sleepover. We discussed our “boys we fancied list” then our “girl crush list”.
They named celebrities, I named like… Holly from Drama Class, one of our female teachers, a girl in the year above. And was yeah “yeah she’s pretty and she’s so cute when she ….”
I was then informed a girl crush is when you want to BE this person, or be like them.. not be ON THEM or kissing them and holding their hand while you walk round a Christmas market.
And that’s how I found out that being attracted to girls wasn’t a straight person thing.
8. Thrilling reads.
Being 14 and realising I preferred lesbian erotic novels over anything else
9. Write it out.
I wrote a very long diary entry in late middle school about how beautiful my best friend looked as she slept at a sleepover. I wrote in detail about her fluttering eyelashes, her smooth skin, her parted lips, her deep breathing, etc. I closed it out by saying that I’m not homos*xual and I never would be, I just thought my best friend was a beautiful soul.
We started dating a couple months later.
10. Getting down to business.
When I saw a woman dressed in a business suit, but with a skirt. She had on heels and tights with a black line going up the back of her legs.
That sight with the click of her heels…I didn’t just like boys!
11. A quizzical look.
Sitting there googling “am I a lesbian” quizzes lol
Well the first sign probably should’ve been lil 4th grade me, after learning of the existence of gay people, laying there at night thinking, “aww man, gay girls are so lucky. Wish I could date a girl! Oh well, guess I’ll marry a man.”
Or the countless times groups of girls would be obsessing over how cute some dude was and I’d be standing there like ???
Or maybe the fantasies I had in 6th grade about me dating a girl I was friends with.
But for some reason I didn’t even begin to consider the possibility of not being straight until I got the most intense crush of my life (the kind that physically hurts because you want the other person so badly) on a friend of mine who was a girl. Hence the googling lol. Took me another two or three years to really accept it.
Even now I have a girlfriend and occasionally doubt myself but I know that’s just my dumb*ss brain overthinking everything.
12. Developing feels.
Girls be looking way cuter and I developed some feels.
But the solidifying moment was during a girls sleepover where we played truth or dare and I had to kiss this girl. Oh boy I did not want that moment to end.
Back in eighth grade I was bullied by a bunch of girls because they thought I was a lesbian- and they had decided to try and blackmail me.
So one day I was alone in the halls since I had to stay back in my last class due to spilling something and now I was late going to my next class. I swear they must’ve somehow planned me spilling something because one of the girls was walking the opposite direction of me, but then quickly stopped me with their arm and did that ‘ping someone against the wall with your arm’ thing.
She was taller then me, so she was looking down at me and I was a bit scared and confused since I thought I was going to get beat up- but instead she started to flirt with me. Not like the compliment flirting- I mean like full on “I wanna bang you” flirting (Keep in mind we were both underaged, even for the state we’re in- which was 16 for consent).
I was blushing like crazy before she kissed me and left. I dunno how they were gonna blackmail me because a week passed before it clicked with me that I liked that a bit too much even if it was faked, then I told a friend that I thought I could trust, and before I knew it- the whole school knew I was a lesbian and I got heavily bullied for it, so the homophobes made my life worse
Thanks for making me scared to come out to my parents, middle school
14. Sweet victory.
Jade from Victorious. She made little 11 year old me feel a certain type of way.
I blame Jade for the fact that I’m gay.
15. The list.
Megara from Hercules (and Hercules)
Chel from Road to El Dorado
Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Lola Bunny in Space Jam
(And quite recently reignited my passion for men too) Zagreus from Hades
Good on all of them for finding their true selves. Best of luck everybody!
How did you come to terms with your s*xuality?
Tell us about it in the comments.